Yesterday

I had totally spaced that yesterday would have been my parents 35th anniversary if Dad was still alive. I thought today was the 6th. I am always thrown for a loop with the stupid holidays. That means that in two days will be my dad's 2 yr anniversary of his death. And I can't even go out to his grave that day. I am glad that I will be busy that day so I can keep my mind off of dad. Although I will be working in a home with other veterans like my father and quite a few of them are Navy veterans. I can't even begin to imagine what my mom must have felt waking up yesterday morning and not having dad there. Nor can I imagine her grief. I wonder many times if I was hit more by his death than mom. I know that my grief is still there and quite large. It must be a relief for my mom but also a huge hole. She spent her whole marriage taking care of my dad and me. We were the sick ones. She was the bread winner. Now she has no one to take care of but herself. I know that she still wants to take care of me but I try my darndest not to let her have that burden.

I called her tonight to check in with her and she was the one that told me I was a day late. She laughed. She thought it sweet that I would call her on that day to make sure that she was ok. I wish that I could be there on saturday but I can't. Work and school obligations have to be met. Anyway, I have dried my tears and am going to head to bed. Good night!

Dad and Mom, July 1994