I am officially unofficial.

I finished my externship. I enjoyed my time but the goodbye was lacking. Ok, so I enjoyed it most of the time. There were many times that I was left hanging by some of the CNAs that didn't seem to like me. Like I was stupid or something. I mean that is what an externship is for - to learn and apply the skills learned in class. I thought I did well with being the only non-spanish speaking person. In my paperwork from the site, I was given a general good work status. I was given a couple B's and mostly A's, so that means I should average an A-. I hope. Well I am glad to be done with Stevens-Henager. I had fun, met some awesome friends, learned some new skills and furthered my education. Now it wasn't always easy. It was hard at times because of the usual political bullcrap but that is how things are nowadays and sometimes I wished I hadn't gone there. I stuck it out and am pleased and so is the Lord. I followed His promptings and I am being blessed for it. I was supposed to go to SH and someday I will know why.

Anyway, my last few minutes at my externship site was interesting as I said earlier. The owner just signed my papers and said Good Luck and walked away. He walked away as I was trying to say "Thank You" for the opportunity to do my externship here. He didn't even hear me I bet. Oh well. I am just glad that it is all over and I have done my requirements for graduation. So I am officially unofficially graduated. I do my exit interview Monday or so. And I should have my degree in a few months. Now off I go to study for my certifications.

Sadness

Phone was put on hospice. Phone is there and the light is on but no calls can be made nor answered. Not to mention that text messages can't be opened. I swear that Phone has given up the energy to last much longer. It refuses to rest and charge itself up for the next day. I shall never hear phone sing to me when he wakes up after a much needed nap. Or see that Phone has said hi or to tell me to CTR every time I take the time to say hello to my friends everyday. Oh, the sound of you clapping in excitement every time I got a text message from someone made me giddy. Or you singing to me every time I made a date with you and put it on your calender. Sadness. That is all I am going to say. I will miss you a lot when you finally leave me. Have you decided on whether or not you want to be an organ donor?  

Maybe today wasn't a bad day after all

I had this feeling that things were going to be alright. I rediscovered friends from St.Charles when I was a Beehive (21 yrs ago) and got in extra hours at work. It was a great day even though it was the 2 yrs mark for Dad passing away. 


There are soo many more things on my mind but I think that I will go say my prayers and talk to my Father in Heaven instead. I have discovered that He does indeed know all and that no matter how stupid we are and don't listen and get ourselves into trouble, He is there to pull us up off our knees and hold our hand as we move forward. Sometimes stumbling again but if we look, we will see that He is holding His hand out still. We just have to grab hold. I have grabbed His hand and am holding on for dear life. 


Good night!

Yesterday

I had totally spaced that yesterday would have been my parents 35th anniversary if Dad was still alive. I thought today was the 6th. I am always thrown for a loop with the stupid holidays. That means that in two days will be my dad's 2 yr anniversary of his death. And I can't even go out to his grave that day. I am glad that I will be busy that day so I can keep my mind off of dad. Although I will be working in a home with other veterans like my father and quite a few of them are Navy veterans. I can't even begin to imagine what my mom must have felt waking up yesterday morning and not having dad there. Nor can I imagine her grief. I wonder many times if I was hit more by his death than mom. I know that my grief is still there and quite large. It must be a relief for my mom but also a huge hole. She spent her whole marriage taking care of my dad and me. We were the sick ones. She was the bread winner. Now she has no one to take care of but herself. I know that she still wants to take care of me but I try my darndest not to let her have that burden.

I called her tonight to check in with her and she was the one that told me I was a day late. She laughed. She thought it sweet that I would call her on that day to make sure that she was ok. I wish that I could be there on saturday but I can't. Work and school obligations have to be met. Anyway, I have dried my tears and am going to head to bed. Good night!

Dad and Mom, July 1994